Phil and Red's Excellent Adventure

Its the Chinese. I realized something today. Its not just Bond that is inconsiderate and deals with lies. The travel agency does as well. I went in today to purchase the ticket to go to Beijing for the October 1-7 holiday. I was told they were holding a spot for me on the tour and they quoted me the price. But guess what. LIARS! So, the tour was all filled up and I proceeded to berate Stephen, the tour guide from the night before. I told him what i was promised why is it not available. I asked why was it promised....No answer. Asshole. So after some fierce negotiation i got a ticket for a much nice tour but at a fraction of the cost. I am really not liking the chinese right now. My contact in Beijing doesnt seem to be having any of the troubles I am having, so she said it may be a Guangdong thing. Maybe. If Beijing is this bad...i may just have to leave China...cause I am getting fed up with their evil Shenanigans and lack of any form of martial art. So, I leave for Beijing on friday. Oh, and btw, its Oct 1-5th..not 1-7th. Dickheads.
My teaching today was ok for the most part. Both Grade 5s and the second Grade 6 were good. But the first Grade 6 right after lunch was horrible. No one would participate. They were rude and i wanted to beat them all up. I dunno, but i think I would get some sort of twisted enjoyment out of that.
Goodnite.

Posted by Phil at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Tonite was Mid-Autumn Festival which is a celebration in China for the longest full moon of the year. The Autumn Solstice basically. Apparently the way it is celebrated today is based off of a legend originating in the Tang Dynasty. The chinese basically use it as a way to get blitzed. They sure know how to party. They got these things called Mooncakes...which are chinese fruitcakes. Some of them are good...some aren't. And people constantly give them to you, either out of a gesture of kindness or as a way to get rid of the ones they were given. I received a bunch and I was able to "give away" a box. I received a box from Sammy, one of the teachers at the school. I think she is trying to seduce me with wind chimes and mooncakes. The box she presented to me was gorgeous. I mean, i was impressed. Its a wooden box with a map of all the constellations on the top. Very nice.
So, what i did was set up by Bond. My kindergarten class was canceled on account of the festival. So, I headed to the Bond Xiaolan office. There was a bus waiting and a bunch of the folks from Xiaolan headed to ShiQi to pick up the folks there. Once we did that we headed down to Zhongshan Park. Its a memorial park honoring 1 of the 3 greatest chinese of the past century. Dr. Sun Yat Sen...or Dr. Sun Zhongshan. He was the democratic revolutionary that aided in the downfall of the Ching Dynasty, however, unfortunately...we all knew what happened to that democratic movement. The other two are Chairman Mao and Den Xiaopeng. I asked the tour guide...where is Wong Fei-Hung? Fool.
Anywho. The park was huge and gorgeous. I want to climb the mountain they got there. We got back on the bus to head to Zhongshan Gardens and eat dinner.
Leianna had bought one of those linked toy snakes and scared the crap out of Tanya on the bus while Stephen, the tour guide, was talking. She screamed soooo loud. Pretty funny. Owen got a frightful jump too when Moses did it to him.
We arrived at the gardens and they were absolutely gorgeous. Old traditional rich chinese architecture. The fancy stuff. We walked around alot. Check out the fotos. The dinner was good too. There was a performance schedualed for 8pm. That was great. Highlights of the performance:
1. The lion dance at the beginning..i love that stuff.
2. The acrobats.
3. The Mask Changing Guy...very good.
Don't worry, i got video of it all. I was running low on tape and battery power. After the performance we were just chilling and exploring. They were sending wishes down the river. Placing a written card in a lotus petal candle holder, lighting it, and setting it on a piece of foam/wood. Unfortunately, Buddha did not grant my wish...and I realized this as all of our floaters floated right into a bunch of grass on the bank of the river ten feet away from where they were let go....good thinking there, Fignuts!
It was time to head back so we climbed in the bus and headed back. For some reason they were playing Canto-pop real loud. it was a sad ending to a wonderful nite. ;-)

Posted by Phil at 11:50 PM | Permalink

Well, I am 26 now. So far my day is ok. Woke up at 12pm. It was nice. Had some of that cheese I bought for a sandwich. I have been posting all these journal entries. Lots of work. My travel plans to go to Shanghai for the October holiday fell thru. The tour was canceled from lack of people. So John and I are gonna try and think of something else. Maybe go wtih Suzanna and Sean to Beijing. Possibility. We will talk more about it tonite at dinner. Suzanna said she was gonna jump out of a cake for me. That would rock! LOL!
Need to shower and practice some martial arts. Uploading pictures now.

Ok. So here goes.
I headed over to John Irish's pad around 730pm. I showed up and rang the bell. He answered and i made the groaning sound produced by the main ghost in THE GRUDGE ( a japanese horror flick soon to be re-done for America by the master of fear himself, Sam Raimi). Basically breathe in and make your vocal cords flutter. :-D
So, he lets me in and I climb the stairs. I get to the door and he opens it up for me. But as I open the door, I hear one of the bedroom doors shut, and I think to myself HA HA! they are trying to surprise me. I walk into the room and there is a cake on the table in the shape of a heart. I say, "aaaaawwwww." And John is standing there not looking at me and trying to be all non-chalant. And I sit there staring at the door waiting for them...They still didnt open it. So, I popped open my video camera and started it. I called out, "You can come out now." I had a huge smile on my face at this point. Someone opened the door a crack and saw me with the camera and slammed it shut right away and I heard a bunch of people laffing. Then a few seconds later, they opened the door and Damon, Sean, Suzanna, and Leianna came out with sheepish grins on their faces yelling SURPRISE!
The cake was heart shaped. Sean picked it out. It said I LOVE YOU in red letters. aaaaawwww. So we all had some cake, then busted open the Anchorhead and PBR beer and drank some. They gave me some presents which was totally unexpected. A chinese hacky sack, a lego guy with a space suit whilst holding a medieval sword and sheild, one of those skeleton wood kits for a PrairieDog, and a stone figure about 2 inches long. Then, while eating cake, Owen and Jolleen showed up, being chinese and late as usual. They got me a card with a fuzzy teddy bear on it. When you open it, it plays happy bday. A bunch of the Xiaolan Bond Staff signed it. The things they said were funny. I will scan it for ya'll.
We then watched the Chinpoko Mon episode of South Park and drank some more beer. We then headed out to go Bowling at the sweet bowling alley they got here. Took pictures and video. We drank of bunch of PBR in pull-tab cans. After bowling, we headed to the best noodle shop in Xiaolan. Good stuff. I learned how to say Rock N Roll in Chinese. Yao Gun!!!!! Pronounce it like Yao (ascending tone / ) Gun (gwen but with descending then ascending tone v ).
It ruled. Now I am at home about to head to bed. I had a great day today. Its times like these that make me want to stay. But times like this past few days that make me want to bolt.

Posted by Phil at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As some of you know, those who I have talked to online, I am having a bittersweet experience so far. However, the past week has been pretty much 80% Hell, 20% Heaven. Below is an online conversation I had with a friend about my problems. Notice this took place on the 15th and its now the 27th, my birthday...hopefully today isnt as bad as the past week. My issues since then have blasted off the ground like the new aircraft chasing after the X-prize. I am really not enjoying myself. The only times I do is when I am with other teachers or teaching some of the kids. When I deal with Bond (entailing all the dealings, the house, money, teaching schedual, living expenses, etc etc) i hate everything this country has to offer. I feel I am getting a very distorted view of this country and I have cursed it and its people more times than I can remember. I am to the point where I am seriously considering just leaving to a different place. Trying to find another job here. Oh, and this conversation doesnt cover the fact that I can't find any martial arts in this god-forsaken place - another major issue I am having. I need to ask some of my computer genious friends...How do you go about Google-Bombing someone? Cause that is what I plan to do to these assholes.

I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:18:22 PM): they have no clue about whats going on...always changing what they tell me. Never giving me a straight answer.
pal (9/15/04 10:19:15 PM): You mean your arrangment in China?
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:20:44 PM): yes. my teaching schedual and other things too
pal (9/15/04 10:22:57 PM): Maybe the people you asked simply just don't know the answer and is afraid to admit so.
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:24:11 PM): yeah...why cant they just admit it...save me a lot of frustration with them...this "Saving Face" crap is really pissing me off.
pal (9/15/04 10:26:10 PM): Guess they are trying to impress you, don't want to look like they don't know anything in front of a foreigner.
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:27:45 PM): hell, i dont know anything. lol. Well, this company deals with Westerners, they should try to make their company a little more of a western style. and not tell lies all the time. i know its asking alot, but they wont lose teachers like they did today. One guy just got fed up, got his paycheck, gave them the finger, and left. Well.....he didnt really give the finger, but figuratively speaking he did
pal (9/15/04 10:29:33 PM): That's too bad. Hope there is other things you enjoy or appreciate there.
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:31:28 PM): i sure hope I can find some. i like most of the kids. the teaching isnt the problem..its the company and their Shenanigans that displease me immensely and its giving me a very distorted view of Chinese culture...i feel.
pal (9/15/04 10:32:20 PM): are you planning to stay for at least a year or so?
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:32:51 PM): well. i was plannin a year,...but i may change my contract...or break it...or try to claim they broke the contract and bolt
pal (9/15/04 10:35:23 PM): Are their lies intentional? Do you feel that they want to treat you badly?
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:35:38 PM): yes and no. The boss man told me and many others straight up lies to get us here. Once we got here everything changed. I was promised so many things and a bunch of teachers were too. Its not just the head owner telling us stuff and then hasn't lived up to it...its how the company makes a mistake and then will try to blame a teacher for it. One of my friends had that happened and they felt wretched for days. The company is fanning the flames of its own destruction.
pal (9/15/04 10:36:56 PM): That could be a case of poor leadership.
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:37:21 PM): yes
pal (9/15/04 10:39:57 PM): I know it must be hard for you... please keep an open mind and enjoy your time there. If you just look for bad things... that's what you are going to find. Try think the glass is 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty.
I are Menudo (9/15/04 10:40:42 PM): thats what I am trying to do...but things are wearing thin. There is alot that I enjoy. but this company is really screwin it up.

Everyday something new pisses me off and is pushing me more to my departure.

Posted by Phil at 01:34 PM | Permalink

So, after I came home from a nice long irritating and boring day of teaching at the BOND head office in ShiQi. "Irritating" because I was lied to about the schedual and forced into teaching more than I was told about for that day and "boring" because teaching a 3 hour class from the book sucks royally. I did get some nice shots of the local area and I found Season 3 of South Park on DVD, which, of course, I had to pick up. Leianna, the 56 year old Kiwi, and I came back to Xiaolan and hoped on a bicycle powered rickshaw. It was nice relaxing trip thru the city. A little cramped though. I saw Leo...the manager at the bar that we frequent, the Sunday Bar. We waved and shouted greetings.
"Sup, my communist comrade! How's trix?"
-"Fine, thank you, and you, my imperialist capitalist pig!"
I went back with her to her place because I was gonna meet up with Suzanna and wait around for John Irish to show up. I got there, Sean called and said to meet him by the KFC @ 645pm with John. So i called Peter and we all got together for what I thought would be a fun time. Sean, Peter, John, Mark, Suzanna, Jolleen, Emily, and me. We went up to this interesting buffet place. It had a large set up of cookeries and they would punch a card for what you wanted and then bring it to you. It was real nice. There was this guy that poured tea from about 4 feet away from your glass...i got a couple fotos of him.
Thats when it happened...I think. I was walking in the large group lookng at all the dishes...there was this full crab...Like a whole crab...dead and cooked, but not seperated...I was like, sweet. There was this large group of people that I thought were trying to take a look at the food but alas, they were there to steal my cellfone. These assholes stole my cellphone. Thats about $100 US down the drain. I am really upset about that. I didnt realize it until I got back to my seat. The thing is that I dont know how they could have seen it or known where it was cause I have a pair of those pants with pockets at the knee. They must a sent a child to do it or something. We called the fone a bunch of times and at one point the dickhead answered. Moron. Jolleen said something to him in Chinese and he hung up. So, we proceeded to send many text messages in Chinese and English. My favourite is as follows.

"Hey, you dickless piece of shit. You hump goats in front of your sister-wife for jiao [chinese coinage]. I hope your seed is stricken from the face of the earth. I hope you never live long enough to enjoy giving your grandmother another sensual spongebath, you flipper toed hemaphrodite."
I didn't write it, someone else did, but it was my favourite.

After that, we continued with the feast and I was drinking to try and forget the loss. It seemed to go well. Food was real good and the company was great. Just chatting. Then some of us went to the beer garden and drank some more.
Around 10, everyone left, John and I are the only ones with Monday off. I went back with him to get my stuff that I left at Leianna's and Suzanna's. We ended up chatting with the girls for about 2 hours just shooting the shit and I was writing down funny stuff that they said because,
1. it sounded funny when I was drunk
2. i figured it would sound funny when I wasn't.

Poo-nappy = dirty diaper. And of course, I went with the logical progression of Poo-nappy to that dirty english word. Suzanna proceeded to punch me in the arm.

Flappy-head = a big mouth. We were discussing one of the Bond managers.

Oh, and then somehow John and I brought up another Bond Manager, Mountain.

John - "Mountain, can we be honest with you?"
-"yes"
John n Phil - "You have some of the coolest eyebrows in the world"
Phil - "I want your eyebrows to be the best man at my wedding."
i will post fotos later when i get them.

We talked about kindergarten, frustrations with Bond, travels, and stuff.
I am off to bed.

Posted by Phil at 11:29 PM | Permalink

Saturday, Sept 25th 12pm

Had a crappy disheartening afternoon. I went to the China Post office with Amy so she could interpret for me to send off 4 DVD sets of Jay and Janice's wedding that I finally completed. It took my about 1 hour to do everything.
1st: Got to the desk and said, I would like to send some stuff to the US.
2nd: He said they couldn't send CDs or DVDs becaue of Piracy issues.
3rd: Amy yelled at him or something. He called his Manager.
4th: He came back and said that his Manager said they had no problems sending it, but that US Customs may seize it because its CD/DVD. So, if it never shows up, Jay and Janice, you know why.
5th: He weighed the stuff and it was around .46 kg or something. which was about 97 qwai ($11 US). He then put the box he would send it in, and it shot up to .56 kg, which was about 115 qwai...and I was like, NO! (115 to 97 isn't much in US dollars, but since I dnt have much US dollars, its an issue)
6th: We went around the corner and got some packaging paper to wrap them in. It worked well. We taped it up alot.
7th: Proceeded to fill out a customs declaration and take care of all that junk.
The whole experience took about an irritating hour.
Then we headed over to the Travel Agency to see how I could get to the Shaolin Temple for October Holiday, Oct 1-7th. I was there the day before...see Friday's entry. Amy and the others would be talking in Chinese trying to get me a train to Zhengzhou or Yuowang in Henan and then take a bus to the temple. There are planes, but it would be 1080qwai one-way, plus the paying for lessons which i dont have enuff of. She would mention Shaolin Shi and Gong Fu and all the girls that we were talking with would look at me and giggle. Thanks for showing reservation and being polite, retards. One of the other customers had a friend living in Hunan so she called him up and handed the fone to Amy. Amy chatted with him for about 15 minutes getting info on where to go, how to get there, and what to do. So with all that info and stuff we were looking at train scheduals. The train ride would be 24 hours and there were no sleepers. I was not gonna sit in a cramped seat for 24 hours. That train would leave Oct 1st at 8pm. This would give me from Oct 3rd- the 5th to practice and another 1.5 days on the train and buses back to Xiaolan. Bullcrap, its not worth it for that long. I was pissed off. I hate how the chinese wait to the last minute to tell you when things are going down. I am referring to the fact that my school and Bond could not tell me when the exact vacation days would be. Thats one idea down the crapper. Maybe for New Years holiday I will go. I was very impressed with how helpful everyone was though. Thats the plus side. Too bad Bond can't learn a lesson from these people.
Then I had to run an errand to 1+1 Supermarket for some more party things. I needed to get some cups. While I was there, i also picked up some handsoap and hair-goo. But the big chore was trying to find RAID boxes for cockroaches to enter and die. This was humorous and humiliating all at the same time.
1st: i wrote down the name RAID, because the package is in english and all these people do get enlish lessons in school, so I thought they may know. At this point i asked 1 person and 2 people came to my aid.
2nd: Writing RAID didnt work, so i drew a picture of a cockroch with a circle around it and an "X" thru it. At this point there were 3 chinese workers surrounding me looking at my picture. One girl said, "Oh!" Like she knew, and she took me over and showed me a floor mat. I hung my head in shame.
3rd: I then drew the little box that contains the poison, thinking this has got to work. I had about 5 workers surrounding me now gawking at my pictures. Then the dude I asked originally, took me to another place and showed me some tile flooring.....I was like, THE PICTURE IS OBVIOUS!!
4th: Now, I had about 7 workers just gawking and giggling. I was like, crap. Then one of them finally recognized what I was trying to get across in my drawing and took me to the RAID. I was soo ecstatic. You do not understand.
I then headed back to the house to clean my room, prepare for the party, and prepare for another stupid government dinner.

Posted by Phil at 11:00 PM | Permalink

Saturday Sept 25th 6pm

So, Bond, at the last minute, as usual, told me that I need to go to this government dinner. So i got to dress up which was nice. I wore my Star Wars tie and two-tone shoes. They actually had real western style food which was great. This was a big celebration of the Moon Cake festival. They eat this cake stuff that is the chinese version of Fruit Cake. Its good, but everyone mails it to their friends thru the mail. its very funny. Like they can't just buy it at the store. Whatever.
After I cleaned up my room, I tried to iron some clothes. And of course, Bond hasnt replaced the broken iron I told them about 2 weeks ago and it leaks water everywhere. These little things just added to the shitty day i was already having and would continue to have that nite. So, i got water all over a shirt of mine and the floor. I called up Jolleen, the girl that is supposed to take care of my broken bed and other furnishings and pretty much yelled at her for not taking care of what I asked. I hung up and followed with a few curses on China and its people. Headed to get the bus at 5pm. It was John, Bill, Sean, Suzanna, me, and Mountain. It took us 1.5 hours to get to the Shangri-La hotel because the dumb bus driver got lost. So we picked up Alice at her place and she showed us the driver the right way. Then we stopped to pick up Dawn and Tanya, who walked to the hotel since it was a couple blocks away. The bus was stopped waiting for someone so we yelled at Mountain and walked to the hotel. During this time i mentioned to the gang that i was thinkin of bolting. They understood and some of them are thinkin about it to. Wouldn't it be awesome if we left at the same time. So the dinner and desert was great. Met some people. I picked up some cheese that we had another teacher buy for Peter and myself in Guangzhou. 2.5 kgs.
Basically it was an event to celebrate all the foreign teachers by the government in ShiQi. But it was actually to toot their own horn. They had some people do performances. And of course, the chinese had to play mozart and some european opera...I am in China cause I want chinese culture, not crappy renditions of European music. It was kinda sad. And there seemed to be more chinese than foreign teachers here. But i did get to stare at white people. It ruled. There will be pictures posted soon.
Then around 8pm I was like, i need to catch a cab back to Xiaolan to be a host at the party. But, Mountain convinced me that the bus was leaving in 10 minutes so we could all get there to gether.
I said ok. Sure enuff, 830pm came around and we still havne't boarded the bus. Then we had to wait for about 10 minutes while a girl from Shiqi changed her shoes and got a change of clothes, cause they ended up crashing at the house. Then we had to go out of our way to drop a teacher off at her shcool, then we headed to Xiaolan. I was irrate. I was mad because Bond was keeping me from being a host at my own party/bday party. And then to top it off the bus driver got lost again. And Bill, the Aussie, showed them how to get back. A foreigner showed a chinese how to get home. WTF!?!?!?!
While we were 40 minutes away from Xiaolan, Coco called asking where i was I told her about 20 minutes cause I thought we were. but we were 20 minutes in the opposite direction. I apologized.
We finally arrived in Xiaolan and the bus driver wouldnt take us to the house even though all of us were going there. So we gave him the finger and headed to grab a convoy of motorbike taxis. Thats when the nite took a turn for the worse.

Posted by Phil at 06:27 PM | Permalink

Saturday September 25th 1000pm

So...after hopping off the bus at the BOND office in Xiaolan. We booked to the corner and the KFC where there are always motorbike taxis. We flagged down 6 drivers and I told them all Kung Qiao Lu. So we had this convoy. John arrived first cause he knew where to go. The others followed. I got there first, then Sean, then Ash, Dawn, and Tanya. We waited to make sure this was everyone. And it was....so we thought.
We paid the drivers, but they were trying ot scam us, we were like, 3!!! not 5!!!! We headed to the party. I arrived, still irrate because I was held away from my hosting duties. very upset. And when I showed up, out of all the people we invited, maybe there was 10 people. I invited over 30 teachers from my school. 3 showed up. Coco and two others. Sammy couldn't make it but had Coco give me a present, which i told them not to do. Its a pretty nice windchime. I was...awwwwww. But then I got this sweet gift from the 3 that showed up. A set of 9 shaolin gung fu baby statuettes. Check the fotos..They are uber cute. So, after they gave the presents, they left. I was like FUCKING BOND! my guests are leaving because of YOU! I told and explained to Coco why i was late. I dont think she fully understood.
After they left and i placed my presents in my room. I did a quick recon of the party. Where is Suzanna? oh shit. I went over to John and Sean, "Where's Suzanna?!" Is she with you? And in unison, "oh fuck". So in my rage, i felt I needed something to drink. I ran over to the beer, grabbed one and tried to open it quickly with the bottle opener before running out to the street, it slipped and smashed on the floor. I snapped. The travel plans falling thru, BOND, the government dinner, 1+1 supermarket, BOND, the bus driver, BOND, lack of gung fu, BOND, my friend gone missing, and the broken bottle sent me over the edge. I yelled an "Incredible Hulk" yell and chucked the bottle opener with such force that it richoceted off the stairwell and came right back at me and smashed another bottle of beer into oblivion. I had to clean it up. I then proceeded to meet up with John and Sean on the corner waiting to see if Suzanna came around. She didn't, so I hopped on a motorbike taxi and began to drive around the city. I was lookin all over the place trying to find where she could have gone. I pointed the driver to different places then headed to the KFC and searched around there by foot. Gave a quick english lesson to a little chinese girl who started talking to me. Then search around more. Made it down to the Bowling alley and searched around there and hopped on another bike and headed back to the house. Still looking all the way. I was really worried, becuase I thought she didnt know her way around cause she had only been here for a couple weeks. But she does, but i didnt know that. I arrived and John and Sean were still there saying she never showed. John had called the house to see if she went back there. No answer. Usually Leianna is home at this time, but no answer, so we thought something might have happened to her as well. Dunno why, she wasn't with us at all that day. We just had to worry more I guess. So, John hopped a bike and went to their appartments. Sean and i looked around some more and headed back to the party to tell Mountain and Jolleen to see what we could do. "HOW DO YOU FIND A LOST WHITE WOMAN IN XIAOLAN!?" Mountain thought it would be easy because its a small town. I was like, I just looked over the whole place. Sean and I were thinking the worst and it was pretty obvious from our moods and body language.
John showed up at the apartments and there was no answer at their place or answer of the fone, so John posted a letter on the door to contact him immediately. He went out searching for her again. Now, Sean and I were worried about Suzanna and Leianna both cause of no answer. So around 11pm or so, Sean was about to head out looking some more and go home. Then John called and said she was found, she's at the apartment and he was heading back to the party. Sean and I were extremely relieved and we proceeded to get hammered.
THE TRIAL OF SUZANNA
Apparently, the motorbike taxi carrying her was a new guy or something because he split off from the main convoy and headed in a different direction. She was like, no that way. Apparently she had driven down the road with the Post Office on it, like we said, but since no on was there at the corner she didnt know where to go. And so she said go back to the Bond office and thats when he got really lost. She kept telling him the proper pronunciation of the places, however, since, she was white and a foreigner, the driver immediately thinks she is not saying what she is really saying and is like, "huh"?
Finally, she got her barrings and the driver called a friend who knows some english and got her to her place. The taxi driver greatfully only charged her 5 qwai which was very nice of him. He knew what was going on and that it was somewhat his fault. However, she doesnt have a cell fone and John had her keys because she was wearing a skirt with no pockets and no handbag. Stupid girl stuff. ;-) So, luckily her neighbor is an English teacher and she paid for the taxi and allowed her to use her fone. John headed over there and let her in. While she was waiting she kept ringing her buzzer, but Leianna wouldnt answer the door. She got increasingly worried thinking something bad happened. Nope...Leianna was just destroyed from a long day, and slept thru all the fone calls and buzzer rings. Damn.
After all that, the party started to get fun. There are lots of fotos to be posted and i took some video too. I will post it soon.
Talk about a crappy nite. to the end of a crappy day. Hopefully it gets better tomorrow........

Posted by Phil at 12:49 PM | Permalink

Today my classes went awesome! I had a blast in all my 3rd and 4th grade classes. Got them to learn. I was also able to get my 10 kids in kindergarten to be more responsive. I had them compete with one another. It worked like a charm. The kids seem to get into it. This is my smallest kindy class, but it seems to be the hardest to keep control. Four of the children are spazzes. There is this one kid that reminds me of me when I was his age. He wears a pair of glasses with that demeaning strap to hold them on his head. He is sitting in the chair one second, the next he is off running like Mr. Peepers in heat around the room and running into the hall. I wonder what will happen if I give him an apple? ....hmmmm.....
It was a great day for teaching!

I stopped by the travel agency to see about going to the Shaolin Temple for october holiday. They know a little english and i got some price checks on planes, trains, and automobiles. I am gonna head back on saturday afternoon with Amy to get a better idea of whats up. Need to practice martial arts...i feel so lazy since I havent been doing it much at all. I try to do it on my own, but its hard to do it on your own.

I then headed to ShiQi to hang out with some people. I went to dinner and it was really good. The homeless in ShiQi are hardcore man. Hardcore. They were trying to grab my food and pestering us for money. I was dumbfounded. Then as we walked around the park and stuff, just takin in the city, there was a park built on the land of a former factory, it was very nice. There were 2 old people practicing some Chen Meng Cheng taiji by the bushes and my friend asked to see my taiji. So i showed it. And the one old lady doing a sword form stopped and watched. It was ok I guess. Need more practice.

We headed to the walking street area and walked up the bridge. There was a homeless dude sitting at the bottom of the steps. He wasn't beggin or anything, but he did have his son sleeping on his lap. So i gave him the food left-overs. I did so this not seeing the child. I didnt realize he was there. It amazes me here, that was the second time i saw a child homeless. Its really sad. Last time, John and I were out looking at guitars and their was this cute little kid standing by the corner and I waved at him and he started to follow us for about 200 meters with a cup asking for money. I was blown away. Craziness.

Posted by Phil at 04:27 PM | Permalink

So, today, the english teachers went out for afternoon tea. We went to the Flower Hotel which was gorgeous. It was DIM SUM time! I finally got to have real authentic Dim Sum...talk about the best. It was better than any I had in the America. However, I am not saying that Dim Sum at Shangri La, Windsor, or Great Lakes in AA is bad. I am just saying this was better. That other stuff is really good too back home. It was really good.
Today, I helped Coco with a 4th grade music lesson. It ruled. I got to play her daughter's guitar, cause I don't have one yet, but i got a couple picked out. I was teaching them Do, Re, Mi from The Sound of Music. They liked it. We only got the intro done because the principal spoke to the school for about 20 minutes via the PA system about a movie all the children will be seeing this week.
The students will be taken, by class, to be..."educated"...on Den Xiaopeng, a great communist leader that died in '97, all this week. (isn't that an oxy-moron?..great communist leader... ;-) ). Anywho. So, some of my classes this week will be canceled. I aint got a problem with that.
It was a fun day, sorta. Not to many problems in class. the 5th and 6th graders are less receptive to me. 3rd and 4th grade is where its at. :D
im outtie.

Posted by Phil at 04:42 PM | Permalink

Yesterday, on Monday, John and I headed to ShiQi to look at guitars. There is a store just passed this Buddhist temple on walking street that is a hidden gem. They have some quality instruments there. I mean, among all the chinese crap there, these seem realllllly nice. What we think these guitars are, are the "low-end" versions of the Gretshes, Gibsons, and Epiphones in the States. Basically, they are made on the same machines by chinese and without their paint jobs and brand names.
There were 3 that I fell for.
1. A Les Paul that played wonderfully.
-I was rocking this baby out and it stayed in tune even with all the bendin i did on the strings and the stuff i was putting it thru.

2. A Rhandy Rhoades RR3 that rocks soooo much Cock-Rock Metal i can't tell you enuff.
http://www.jacksonguitar.com/gear/gear.php?partno=RR3_Rhoads
-take this link, look at that foto and give it a leopard print body. Thats right....A LEAPORD PRINT BODY!!! TALK ABOUT METAL!!!! AAAAAAIIIYYYYYY!!!!!
I so want this one, its not even funny. Totally rad.

3. An Epiphone Joe Pass Emporer II
http://www.epiphone.com/default.asp?ProductID=9&CollectionID=1
This guitar is the one I will get once I get paid. Imagine this without the Epiphone inlays and give it a red sunburst around the edges with the gold wood in the center. This thing is amazing. No one has played it because it was totally out of tune and the action needed to be raised some. I did both and the thing was stayin in tune after all the bending and crap I ran it thru. Sounds great. I so need to get this. I could pimp it out. I need to put a picguard on it, a bigsby, and maybe a new paint job...somewher in the future.

WWWEEEEEEE!

Posted by Phil at 04:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, there is this one kid that came up to me at my school the other day. When the kid started talking to me, I honestly couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl. Even after the name I couldn't figure it out. I have come to the conclusion after about a week that the kid is a girl. Her name is...Wee-Wee. Yeah...too bad it wasn't Pee-Wee. This girl though, her english surprised me. Out of all the students I come into contact with, hers I think is the best and she is only in 3rd or 4th grade. She was holding a long conversation with me. I was impressed.
There is this other girl, i think in the 4th grade that lives just down the street from me. Her name is Cagny. On Thursday or Friday we usually end up walking back together. Her english is pretty good too. Can't be more than 4th grade.
I shared a taxi with a local school teacher last nite come back from Xue Qi. I am blanking on her chinese name, but her English name is...catch this...Bear. As in Teddy Bear...i hope. She knew as much English as I did Cantonese, so talking to her was pretty interesting.
There was a male student, prolly about 16 or so in a PETS II class that I was teaching for 2 hours on Saturday...it actually was fun, i thought I was gonna hate it. It was good, the students are quite smart.
This boy asked me how to spell his English name that he picked up from watching a movie. He was saying, Belater...and I looking at him all weird and thinking and saying..thats not a name...i dont' even think thats a word. But then...after a couple minutes I realized he was trying to say, "Blade". This 15-16 year old chinese kid...skinny as hell, has named himself after a black half-human/half-vampyr comicbook character that hunts vampyrs in which Wesley Snipes butchered in the movies with his terrible acting and crappy marital arts presentation.
I haven't met this following child, but apparently the trophy for the weirdest and best English name for a chinese person is....drum roll...."The Mushroom King". I'm not joking around. There was a kid in one of the classes of my co-workers/teachers. He named himself the Mushroom King. My stomach hurt from laughing after hearing that one. Now I just hope I can meet him and bow down to his Highness.
I also want to meet some students that have the names, Apple, Tree, Bird, Rock, and Plant.
T-shirts here are hilarious. Companies here take random nouns, verbs, adjectives, and other structures and throw them together in a pot and mix them up....and most of the time the sentence structures are all messed up and whatever the shirts are trying to say dont make a lick of sense. Also some of the things that people wear. For example, you may see a little old woman carrying a yoke (a bar that sits across your shoulders with buckets attached to each end) down the street wearing a t-shirt that says, "THUG LIFE" ...i mean...why does my camera battery have to be dead at that time.
UGH!
sooooooo funny!

Posted by Phil at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I went to Macau yesterday to check it out and take care of some VISA issues. Basically, Americans have to leave the country for every 30 days for some stupid assinine reason. So, i had a double entry on my Tourist L-Visa. So, John Irish and I headed out to Macau to spend the day chilling. Macau is a 5 mile long version of Hong Kong. There is some neat stuff. We went to the A-ma Temple, Maritime Museum, Walking Street, and this awesome Brazilian place. You can see the fotos in the gallery soon. Public transportation in this city sux though. Its too crowded. On the bus from the Barrier (north point) to A-Ma Temple (south point) it took us a friggin hour. Constant stop and go. It would be quicker to walk or take a taxi. No more of this bus crap. Other than that there is not much to say. It was an ok place, I think i need to try it out again to get a better impression.

Posted by Phil at 11:10 AM | Permalink

Ok, so last nite was National Teacher's Day. In China, they seem to really love their teachers. I guess its because schooling is such a huge part of their life. And these teachers pull out all the stops. Basically, we have been celebrating every nite since wednesday. Last nite, though, was the wildest. We were at this huge resturant and their was all the teachers from most of the local schools. And for some odd reason, I was the only white dude there. I guess my school likes me alot to invite me along. :D I enjoy them, they are fun. And of course, all ...and I mean, ALL, the chinese wanted to drink Bei-Ju with me. Bei-Ju is chinese rice wine....take Sake and multiply its potency and terrible taste by 100x.
Now, after about the 4th cup, you can't taste it. So, throughout the dinner time, I had about 8 shots. and I had about 3 in quick succession right before going off to do Karaoke with the gang. (see Teacher's day fotos in the gallery).
During dinner, i was at a table with most of the female teachers and Coco was there. She is the head english teacher that usually acts as my interpreter. she is really cool. All the female teachers told me that I was extremely handsome and I proceeded to blush 80 colors of red. Then they asked me if I came to China to find a girlfriend and I proceeded to curse them out in German and English. I told them how insulted I was by what they just said, and then I woke up from my drunken stooper and said, no...i didnt come for a chinese girlfriend. SMACK!
The food was fantastic. Then we got up and headed to Karaoke. The Chinese know how to party. I have video fo this, check it out. I let them know that I practice gung fu and martial arts, and because of this, they always cheer me with CHINESE GUNG FU! and then go, "WHOO HOO!" And tear their shirts off and twirl them around their heads. Its getting kind of irritating actually. I am kinda wishing I never said anything. That and the fact that gung fu doesnt exist in China. So, they had about 10 english songs all in MIDI format so of course, i was not hitting any of the notes because I was drunk and the music sucked. Coco made me a duet with her from Titanic...My Heart Will Go On. So, I was using my high-pitched metal voice and getting alot of laffs. There was some interseting songs played.
1. The theme song from Jet Li's "Shaolin Temple" movie...its soooo terrible. Shaolin, Shaolin...etc,etc.
2. The Wong Fei Hung Theme, i was able to sing along with this one...along with 15 other chinse that were cramped in this room.
3. Sammy performed this Chinese Opera tune, she sounded great.
4. There was this one Karaoke Song and the video was the interesting part here...it had Jackie Chan, Leslie Cheung, Yuen Biao, and some other famous actor I recognized haning around a dude ranch by themselves and singing the song. i was like...WTF!!!! This is freaky!
One of the P.E. Teachers at the school was a former Police Officer. And so, at one point will we were in the Karaoke room, he decided to square off with me and drop me to the floor. I was laffing so hard at that point, I didnt feel the chair jab into my lower back. He then told me all the stuff that he had to deal with while being a police officer. So I kow-towed too him and started callin him, "SIFU!" Causing more chinese to laff their asses off.
There was the heavy guy there that I dunno where he came from...he just showed up. He was getting into it and ...well, you just need to watch the video when I post it.
I started breaking into a cold sweat and that is wehn i decided to drink abaout 20 glasses of tea to expunge the alcohol from my system. If I didnt do that, i think i would have gotten sick. That was a great nite. Wow. Talk to you later.

Posted by Phil at 11:30 AM | Permalink

1. Chinese Dance clubs....worst music every. The way they dance. Just jump up and down and clap alot. I miss seeing Naas and E-rock dance.

2, The music is horednsou. Absolutely horendous.

4. Chinese people thinkg that i can speak chinese if they just =say the same thong over and over to me at once. I know they be repaeting themselves, but damn, they know i just said, "mmmsec-tang" (don't understand) and buried my hands in my face. They same things too me agian. I be like....NOOOOOOO!

4. The muisc ihere is teerrrible. sooooo bad.

5. Cowoboy bar its good atmosphere, b ut badd abaddd music.
i miss the goth adt City Club at this mopoint.

q43. oh oi hoh. I took a takxi buike ride from a dude that wasnt' a realy taxi driver. He was kool though. he had a red and black horizontal stripe T-shirt and he was a younger fella. He was polite. Took me for a nice ride thru the city. He wasnt wearing the Green Jacket that real taxi drivers wheare.

7
. Me, John Irish, Tenya (Aussie), and Sean (UK) went out tonite. we had a blast. they are a fun bunch of people./ There was this french dude at COWBOY! the crazy chinese dance club... which had vomit and shit all over the men's bathroom because its hard to aim wiht those Holes in the Floor. But this french guy shared my sentiment that the music was CRAAAAAP!
Its fun gettting people from different coutnreisd together that speak english we make fun of each others accents and pronunciations.
leisure. LEISURE!
leisure suit larrry.
um.......i nee dsleep.

9. i practiced on the roof today. it was sweeeeeeeet. I want to do i t somehmore. We need to drain the roof. Its got water everyeahwarher.sdddddjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. whoops.
goodnite.

10. You can see fotos of this nite in Nite Fun in Xiaolan in the gallery.

Posted by Phil at 04:18 AM | Permalink

Stuff to write about.
1. Beer garten...just chilling, but about 1145pm, two chinese come over and start asking us to be their english speaking friend. Of course they said tons of other things that we didnt understand. Very awkward situation.
2. Got my teaching scheduals. Dealing with BOND is a pain in the ass.
3. Went guitar and erhu shopping in Xue Qi. Pretty cool. Went to the top of the stairs of Zhongshan Park. Very nice. Need to go back. Itll rule. Saw a guy doing Cheng Meng Chen Style Taiji. hardcore.
going to bed, im drunk.
0me

Posted by Phil at 01:06 AM | Permalink

Things to talk about.
1. Went to school again to get the materials. why it went from Sang Shi to Do Shin....name of street after merger.
2. Hospital...giving mp3 player to Peter and seeing little cute boy crying with eye patch and blood on wrist. wanted to vomit.
3. Fried my brain with Guangdong Wah practice.
4. Had some chinese pastries...very lightweight, tasted odd. interesting things inside.
5. Mountain took me to a place where they practice gung fu. Something called San-Da...kill person with any part of body. apparently.
6. Distributed BOND flyers at Sang Shi. Kids only wanted to take flyers from me because i'm gweilo. I had about 7 little girls who were hangin garound me, taking flyers then distributing them and coming back for more so they coulds say, HELLO, then laff. and Say, WHATS YOUR NAME? Super cute.
Some super old guy with metal teeth was so excited to see me. He was shakin my hand and shoutin to everyone to come look at me. very funny.
7. Got ready for government dinner. Waited awhile, cause Burt...a new guy, got lost. It was a new Guangdong food resturant. They forced us to drink Bei-lo. i think the name. Chinese rice wine...that tastes worse than SAKE. They made us drink...had to save face. Stupid concept. this is where the gay Jet Li came from.
8. after dinner, Sean, Tenya, and John Irish and I went to Leo's bar and played dice drinking game. Music was terrible, but I was dancing in my seat. Then i took a bike home...it ruled. i amgoing to bed. I will type this junk out tomorrow. Later.
-me

Posted by Phil at 12:24 AM | Permalink

So, yesterday - Tuesday, I got to take a look at the apartment I was planning on moving into. However, this place was like a closet. i would have had no living room. Basically, the apartment is meant for maybe 1 person or 1 couple living together with a baby. Its quite small. So i was pretty pissed. It turns out that the school I am teaching at is about 5 minutes from the house I am in now, so I told all the Bond managers that I was just going to stay in the room I am in now. I got settled this past week and I dont feel like moving.
Yesterday, I went to the school and met with the headmaster and learned some things about the school. Its quite large and quite nice. I dont start till Monday once they have gotten all the scheduals figured out. Then I got back to the house and I learned how to play Mah-Jong. It was ok. Its basically chinese poker/gin rummy. I went to the local gym and checked it out. It looks pretty nice. Gonna get a membership there. Its pretty cheap. We also walked all over the city.
We went to this DVD store where they had a few DVDs on the wall. We asked if there were anymore and they said to follow them. I was like...sweeeeet. So, he takes us to an alley and opens this door in the center of this big metal garage door and inside was literally 1000 DVDs. It was hilarious. They were 12Yaun which is about $1.50. Quite humourous.
Today, I went to go pass out flyers at a primary school for parents picking up their kids. However, one of the managers was under the impression that today was a half-day and not a full day. So we got there and no one was ready to leave or get picked up. So we had to walk back. I was sweating profusely because of the weather and I think i am slightly sick. But I headed back and tried to sleep it off. Then I headed over to the Bond Office again and we headed out to do this interview with a company, Viasystems, for teaching english to their staff. It was sorta long, the interviewers were very chatty. One guy, Norm, spent some time in Toronto and his english was quite good. Another guy, Lowe, who pronounced it with a german "w" and an audible "e" sound, was not as educated as Norm in the english language. He also had this wierd habit of flicking his tongue when he would get excited. The company is a technical company and they saw that I was a Chemistry graduate and he got happy and flicked his tongue. very bizarre. The 3rd guy, who would come and go spoke little english. I am gonna call him Ivan. This guy was a badass. He would stare you down and he barely showed any emotion. I think he was the intimidation part of the group. Very intense. For some reason, the chinese here love to ask me about who I am gonna vote for in November and what I think of Bush. I guess they need to talk about our politics cause they can't talk about their own.
After we left, we waited for our Taxi Cab for about 30 minutes. He still didnt show up, but this guy pretending to be a taxi driver conned, Lynn, our Bond Rep, into giving us a ride. So we cram into this chinese version of a Volkswagen and head back thru the industrial area. On the way we see our taxi going to pick us up...damnit. Why isnt anyone reliable around here. He got us back in one piece, but at one point as he was turning left, I could reach out the backseat window and touch the hood of a car trying to go straight. Then we were playing chicken with a big hauling truck and a few motor taxis. Its amazing how bad they drive here but there are no accidents. Freaky.
Tomorrow, the government is taking all the ESL teachers out to dinner. So that should be interesting.

Posted by Phil at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)