Phil and Red's Excellent Adventure

Well, today seems me shluffing off to Japan. I have been home from China for about 3 weeks and I am already heading off back to Asia. To a better place this time...hopefully. I got to the airport and thru the security checkpoints with no difficulty. So, I had about 2 hours to kill before the plane was gonna leave. I did some airport shopping. Found some earplugs that I forgot at the house and looked for a money belt. Found both, however, the money belt was more of a sack, but it fit underneath clothes better than a fanny pack.
I then hit up National Coney Island for a coney dog meal and a nice tall 22ouncer of beer. A nice relaxer before a long plane ride.
I took my time getting on the plane. By the time I got on, most everyone was there. David and Gary already were. David was sitting next to me and Gary was on the other side. So, I gave him a shout out. "Yo! What`s up, Sensei Man!? Hows trix." Not really. I waved.
Yumi told me to be careful because many Japanese women like foreign men and are always on the look out. I was all like, "Just like you, huh?"
She was all, "Baka!!"
soooo cute!
I first got realization of this when i sat down in my airplane seat. The lady sitting across the aisle from me was totally flirting with me. As I sat down, a glaze came over her eyes and she was all into me. Yumi was`t kidding. I did my best to disuade her efforts. I let her down easily. She was 68.
The plane ride was a little rough. Since we were going with the sun, it never really got dark until we reached Japan. It was tough though, even with all the windows closed I could still feel that the sun was out. Going home is much easier. However, I was able to get some shut eye on this trip. But not much. I was alwasy in that half and half zone where you are partly asleep but also awake. I even had one of those eye cover things. A sleep mask. Thankfully it didnt have any ruffles on it.
It went much much easier than flying to HK that first time. Maybe because I was used to it, or because that flying time was only 13 hours instead of the 15 it was last time. Anywho.
They played a couple movies and one TV show... First off, they played the first TV episode of Bewitched. Man...after not seeing that show in years, you realize just how bland and unfunny it was. Then after that they showed "A Lot Like Love" which wasnt really all that bad, a bit of a different romantic comedy plot so it was kinda refreshing. Then they played the "Bewitched" movie. Yikes. What a hunk of crap. There was a couple hidden gems like Steve Carrel as Uncle Arthur, a few Will Ferrel bits, and Jerry from Strangers With Candy as the paranoid neighbor. Other than that I felt bad after watching it. They should have totally played Batman Begins. Hopefully that will be playing on the ride home. Talk about an awesome movie. They should just loop that movie over and over again. That would make the plane ride so much better. They only have to show it like...4 times. Totally hardcore.
The food on the plane wasn`t terrible either. I didnt eat the fish though. Ever since I saw the movie "Airplane" whenever there is fish on the airline menu, I stay away from it. I dont want no eggs coming out of my mouth, thank you very much. And I sure as heck dont want no Vietnam vet with a drinking problem flying the airplane.
We finally landed in Kansai/Osaka Airport. It had just stopped raining. We waited in line to get our passports checked. I didnt fill in my address in Japan on the entrance form because I didnt know it and I would never be at a fixed address. But Gary gave the guy the hotel name that we would be at for the night when he started getting all testy with me. "What`s your address in Japan." -Um...I dont know. "Whats your address in Japan?" -Dude, I just said, I dont know. I didnt make the reservation. "Whats your address in Japan?" -Um...Gary!
We got it taken care of. We then got our money exchanges taken care of. I converted some US currency but couldn:t find the ATM machine that was mentioned in Lonely Planet Guide. So i figured I would get it later since Japan is such a technological and business utopia requiring it to have ATMs that are internationally connected everywhere you turn...
We went to get our railpasses. We turned in our receipts and got our passes. We talked with the lady and she told us how to catch the train we wanted. We went to the platform and waited in the cue. The trains are always on time in Japan. Well, 99.9% of the time. I bought a coke that was like in this fake plastic metal canister. It was funky. It kept it really cold though. And you know what else is awesome about Japan? BEER IN VENDING MACHINES!!! It was awesome. And aint just talking about the little 12 ouncers...I am talking about the Tallies...or 22 oucnes...whatever the metric conversion is. It was shnazy. Really neat.
We took one of the semi-express trians thru the Kansai area to Osaka and our hotel. Got off the station and got hang of our surroundings and found the hotel. As we walked in, they recognized us because we were the only white people staying there that nite. We walked in and pulled out our stuff. The rooms were quite small but that only seemed to bother Gary and David, I was just happy to be in Japan. It was really cool so far. I was digging it. Well, to be fair, they didnt complain so much as they just stated surprise at the compactness. And it was compact. THese rooms were for just one person. (rooms at the Alpha-1 in Marugame were smaller)
What was amazing to me about these rooms was the toilet. Yes, the toilet amazed me. Now, the Japanese aren`t really known for any special types of toilets, I mean, their ethnic toilets are like the chinese toilets, holes in the ground. But most places have western style toilets. But these business hotels had western toilets fully equiped with the following:
-bidet with adjustable water pressure squirt
-a colonic wash with shockingly warm adjustable water pressure squirt
(i swear David and Gary heard me shriek like a girl the first time I tried it)
-two toilet flush options - big and small
-pre-emtive flush when you sit down
-three sea-shells... to be honest..i didnt know how to use the three sea-shells.
Yeah, i didnt try the bidet at all because that one was designed for women. The pre-emptive flush is a noisy flush that helps to cover up the sounds of bowel movement to stop the person from being embarrassed. Gary told us that in some places, women can buy little speakers that make flushing sounds that cover up their noises so they dont get embarassed...and this is in a women`s toilet.
After the bathroom experience, we took a late dinner and beer at a little pub down the street. GOt some nice noodles and beer. Very good. Then we went back to the hotel and I slept away. Goodnite.